I saw a two quotes on Feeld profiles the other day on this topic, one of which went a little like: ‘Two of my colleagues saw me on Feeld looking for sex and I survived- it never ruined my life.’ Now, I’m not ignorant enough to think that this laissez-faire attitude works for all users in all situations, but I do think that the more transparent users are, the more discussions about, and association with dating apps, sex and kink becomes de-stigmatised. Again, I can understand the long-list of reasons one might not want to brazenly show themselves, but nether the less, it’s more problematic than many realise. If you feel as though being seen on a dating app or site is taboo, whoever sees you on there, themselves adheres to that same taboo, making it turn, less taboo- they’re horny, lonely or curious just like you. But, perhaps the most glaring point on this topic is: whoever sees you on a dating app, had to be on the app themselves at some point. Plus, to be totally honest- as someone who is fairly sex-positive, I’d assume that a person unwilling to show their face didn’t match my outlook, or were in a very different place to me on that front. Having face pics as part of some reveal, just puts a lot of pressure on the recipient, and of course even the most respectful rejection could be taken to heart. I mean, I’m not sold 100% on looks, but it’s a big factor in how my attraction with women works. However on Fetlife (I’ve only ever accepted one ‘Like’ from an obscured profile on Feeld) I always feel like by the time a person sends me a pic of them, if I’ve been chatting without knowing what they look like, you almost can’t reject them at that point- it feels far too rude. It’s a very similar culture to Fetlife (it’s not a dating app- but similar premise) in terms of obscuring faces due to (paranoid) disassociation. Or alternatively, be totally honest and show your desires and your face, but subscribe to ‘Majestic’ and enable ‘Incognito’ so only people that you ‘Like’ will ever see you in their feed/stack. What’s the point of being able to be a part of an open and honest environment like Feeld ( I mean, in theory, not in practice based on the dreaded update that conned millions out of $$$) if you’re not going to be open and honest? I feel like it’s better to show your actual face, and keep the details and intricacies of why you’re there, to the messages, than keep people guessing what you look like, like it’s ‘Blind Date’ circa 1995. However what some people don’t realise is that the more of this ‘discretion culture’ that persists around sex and kink in an attempt to avoid association with it, the more social shame and stigma persists in the zeitgeist about it. Just to preface: one the one hand, I totally understand and respect all of the reasons someone would want discretion on a dating app, especially when linked to sex and kink. Does anyone else have the same feelings about this? Have any of you responded purely based on what was written in the profile if the profile had no personal photos?Īs a long-time(ish) user of Feeld, it’s a real pet peeve of mine, and something I’ve noticed more since Feeld’s newest, biggest, most commercial marketing campaigns. I understand the need for discretion given the nature of dating apps, the desire for privacy, and not wanting to mix business with pleasure, but there are so many ways to do this without these absolutely inane scenery photos. I feel like there should be a rule about this. I mean, one picture of a tree is bad enough, but to make us scroll through five examples of your idea of good wide angle photography because you’re worried you might be discovered? I came across a profile yesterday where the person actually had five scenery pics. Could this possibly lead to matches/dates/meets for those who do this? There are so many ways to obscure your identity (and I’ve seen some really creative versions of this in some profiles) by either turning your head, different angles, using a black bar over your eyes, or just simply blurring your face. Not sure how others feel about this, but personally, I find using scenery pics as a way of creating discretion as really lazy and kind of presumptuous.
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